Starting the day over...

I am a little off today. Even though I am 60 and have not had a period for three years I feel the way I used to just before I got hit. (That was the term of art we used for getting our period. Getting hit.) So I feel cranky, grouchy, restless, irritable and discontent. And I have no idea why. I have been to meetings 7 out of the last 8 days, its the beginning of the month so I have money in my bank account, I am losing weight, I just had my hair highlighted, a manicure, pedicure, my clothes look good, I even have new underwear and made appointments for all the doctors I needed to make appointments for, I have a job which I dont love but it is only part time and it gives me that much breathing room and I am writing. And I adore the man I live with and the house we live in. My dog is great and I recently got her new food, new heartworm medicine. So what is it? The only thing I can think of is that my therapist is gone to the south of France for 6 weeks and my sponsor is leaving for vacation and is ripping her house apart for new construction and has been tough to reach of late. So that must be it. I have such a tough time attaching anyway and I guess I was finally attaching to my therapist and she left town and now my sponsor who was kind of back up (and equally tough for me to attach to) is headed out of town. Must be really really old stuff. I tend to shrug those things off but at my peril I guess. I am learning to let it out. I sat mute at the Saturday morning meeting this morning and couldnt really identify with the speaker. And instead of just putting my hand up and saying I felt irritable and that I needed to check in I said nothing. My mistake. So now I am sitting in my own shit. And I was mean to Jeff my soul mate, love, boyfriend, significant other housemate, companion. Didn’t want to ride with the top down. Whats with that? The weather is perfect. And now we are at his friend’s house and we are out at their pool and they are out of town till tonight. I guess I should call my sponsor back and call another alcoholic and ask how they are doing. Get out of my own head. And early on my first sponsor taught me when things seemed to be going to hell and spiraling out of control that I could start my day over at any time. I guess that’s what I need to do. Start my day over even though it is almost 5:00 PM. #