Thinking it Through

I guess it started on my walk this morning. I was mumbling to myself about what a huge mistake I had made marrying my second husband. Fourteen years of misery. (With some wonderfulness...) but in the big scheme of things I fell in love with the wrong guy and tried to make it more than it was. Just a nightmere of a marriage. I knew on the honeymoon that I had made an enormous mistake. I even had my bags packed and was going to go back home but I stayed. (I can go into all the stuff that he did wrong and believe me there was an avalanche of stuff and he is not a good man...) but the thing is I am learning to take responsibility for my actions and that I am not blame free. There were two of us. And I stayed. And kept coming back for more. They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. That was me. Completely insane. I lost everything too. Even had to declare personal bankruptcy. Talk about apt metaphors! Anyway I survived it and I did learn enormous lessons about me, about love, about relationships. And in some way that horrible mistake was my path. I needed to learn those things. And everything I went through made me into the person I am today. The one in a wonderful perfect for me relationship doing all the right things. So the big thing about having gone through that second marriage is I had given up. I thought he was my only chance to ever be married again. And that I had to marry him and stay married. Or I would always be alone. God there is so much I could write about from there but I guess what I started with is that if I had just trusted that the right person would come along I could have avoided all that and here I am at 60 with the exact right relationship for me. A little late. But here. Just like my mother died very early. That was her path. That was mine too. I had a wonderful mother but only for 13 years. Now I have a wonderful marriage (we are living together) and it is more like marriage than either of my two official marriages...So it is happening for me late in life. But the point is today I am in a great relationship. Everything I had ever hoped for ....dreamed, fantasized about. I have it. Jeff. OK> so I was going on about the magazine I write for and how I could have botched it if I had not kept the faith....(see I did learn from that bad marriage...) and the magazine I would like to write for....and the piece I submitte. I need to get dressed for work and go but this is where i will take up: scheduling changes at RIS no more than that...and we cant know what is going on at More and if they ever even got it. so I need to also learn patience.

and faith.